I suppose this depends, among other factors, how long the individual has been in the throes of addiction. But can there ever be a real connection with that person even after they stop drinking? A connection the same as with a person who was never an alcoholic? Think about it. Yes, the behavioral changes are usually far better than living with a drunk for a person who chooses to remain in contact with an alcoholic in their life. "I'm TRYING to make amends here-it's part of my recovery-I have this 'disease' and what I did to you I really couldn't help/don't remember doing." Have you ever had an alcoholic make "amends" to you? They say what they are supposed to say, but there's really no heart behind it, and they easily slip back into their defenses when called on that. They don't FEEL remorse, at least not in most cases. They know that what they've done to others is wrong, but because they've been told it's wrong. Rarely is a recovering alcoholic truly sorry when they take this step. I think they can become those people because I've met a few, but it takes many, many years of sobriety and hard work to effect that sort of true change. That is different from becoming, for example, compassionate people who genuinely care about others. However, for the most part recovering alcoholics are not CHANGED people, not at their base. And some-very few-but some-actually do manage to change their personalities/character with true structural character change. Their true personality, I believe, is the one that comes out when drunk, of course, but they are fighting it by resisting the alcohol. What about recovering alcoholics? What is their "true" personality then? Good question. But, after years of looking at this, I don't see any other explanation. It says that "recovery" may be difficult or impossible. I know there is a great deal of resistance to this theory. The alcohol is merely the key that allows their dark, base, true selves to emerge, and the urge to drink is the inability of that dark self to keep itself hidden. The "nice guy" is the fake, IMO.) But once they drink, the real self comes out. I think the alcoholic is similar with the addition of the alcohol (and of course the fact that they don't normally strangle people and scatter their bones in the woods, thank goodness.) They maintain the "face" to the world, often fooling family and friends with their normalcy (you surely must have heard that lame old claim about someone being a "nice guy except when he drinks". But when he needed to be in society, he could put on a show, appearing to be a normal human being. He was an evil, murderous human being with no regard for others' lives. Think of Ted Bundy, for an extreme example. This is also because I believe the drinking to be merely a symptom of a much deeper personality/character issue, which I know not everyone agrees with. The sober person is a fake, a veneer that covers the true colors of the alcoholic. I think the drunk IS the default personality. And I respectfully disagree with your theory, which by no means indicates that mine is any better than yours, lol! Jekyl is a normal person.but when he turns into the monster Hyde, he's not "projecting" Jekyl he's a truly different person with no connection to his previous incarnation. To understand.I think a much better metaphor would be Dr. That theory implies that the A maintains a semblance of their normal self while drunk.which I think 99% of the people here would agree isn't true. I respectfully disagree with the notion that drunk words are sober thoughts.
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